There's nothing in the config, except the lightning, but I disabled that.

I swear I didn't. I just installed the plugin. (Sorry for late response, wasn't expecting one so quick)

You did. I'm betting you granted every single permissions node via a poorly documented * node. Don't do that. :P

All of those things are disabled by default. You explicitly granted the permission nodes for those features, if you're getting them.

So, uh, don't do that?

No...

Here's my config:

VanishNoPacket

A fine choice of invisibility for the discerning server administrator.

http://www.kitteh.org

fakeannounce:
automaticforsilentjoin: true
join: '%p joined the game.'
quit: '%p left the game.'
hooks:
essentials: true
dynmap: false
JSONAPI: false
spoutcraft: false
checkupdates: true
permissionsupdates:
checkonworldchange: false
effects:
lightning:
count: 0
colornametags: true
permtest: false
debug: false
configVersionDoNotTouch:
SeriouslyThisWillEraseYourConfig: 5

Also, it's only for me. Not any of my other staff.

Second guess: You have an old version of Multiverse. Update that!