so i had clients complaining about double ingots and keep in mind i have tried minetweaking it and trying oredict mods that are meant to force the one ingot and still ingots aren't unifying and also when ex nihilo ingots are disabled they still come out as exnihilo ingots from the dust form

I had to adjust my UniDict configs to handle a few ingots, such as cobalt, ardite, draconium, and so on. You may need to do so as well. Mostly, in the UniDict "S:metalsToUnify", there needs to be entries for those ores, as they're not there by default.

I also added some mods to the "S:ownerOfEverything" list so the ones higher on the list would "own" the ingots and such.

So you should be able to handle that. However, it would be nice to be able to entirely disable ingots, either individually, or entirely, if that's possible. But that might be tricky, since recipes for dusts/etc to be smelted need to exist, and it isn't certain which mod should own each one. Seems like a better job for UniDict, perhaps. Just my initial thoughts on this.

i just told people playing my pack to feed it through a storage drawers controller and unify it with the compacting drawers

You can actually add a new ore with the same name as an old ore and then define an ingot for it.