i use this mod on fabric 1.20.4, and when i equip a resource pack that changes hurt sounds, it plays with the female hurt sound

Just to clarify, are you referring to the mods hurt sounds? If you are, make sure you're replacing the correct files; the relevant files to replace are female_damage.ogg and female_damage2.ogg in assets/wildfire_gender/sounds/

Adding to the above:

and no, its not above fabric mod resources

Your resource pack must also be above mod resources, otherwise the mod's built-in sound files will simply replace the sounds you're trying to use, as the game prioritizes resources from packs further up the list.

and no, its not above fabric mod resources

This is intended behavior, the mod's hurt sound plays alongside the vanilla hurt sound instead of replacing it to avoid removing audio cues for how a player is taking damage, such as the separate fire/drowning hurt sounds

huh???

no, is there a way to disable the vanilla hurt sounds on characters with female selected?

thats what i want

There is not a way to do this. The way it is currently set up it plays both vanilla hurt sounds and female hurt sounds at the same time.